I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize