Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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