At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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