i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
