do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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