She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
