That's when you crack a 10am beer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
