so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize