someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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