if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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