Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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