Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
