I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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