Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
