i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
