Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
