FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
