I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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