Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to stop coming to work sober
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
