a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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