My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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