id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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