Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
