It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
