put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
