hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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