So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
