therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
