My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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