This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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