Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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