I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
