so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We have so much sex to catch up on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
