I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
