Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Enjoy the penises
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize