Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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