Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
