watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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