Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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