true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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