Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
