We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
