This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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