you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
