I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize