is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
