Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
