the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
