so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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