32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
