I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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