If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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