why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
