so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
