Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
