wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
