with your own penis?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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