Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i want to swaddle you in tequila
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
