nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
