I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
