what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
