You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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