True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
