Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
