Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
