Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
