The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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