I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
