I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
