After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
