went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
